What Do You Do With Patience?

What do you do when life turns out completely different from all you expected, all you hoped for? We can take immediate action and run into our next steps. Or we can wait and be still…either way, both ways are right and with questions like these in life, there is no right and wrong. It must be different for each person, in each of our own lives.

In response to my impulsive nature recently, someone sent me the song “Patience” by Guns and Roses…hmmm, yeah…maybe you get the gist like I do…

Don’t you love hearing that word, “patience”. Growing up a Christian and in church a lot, I heard the phrase often “…be careful praying for patience…”. I think there can be some truth to that.

It comes to my mind during this time for me because as I feel at a loss for what to do when life turns out completely different from I expected, this little, but intimidating word “patience” comes to my mind.

I can see that when I fight so hard and so intensely to make things happen, taken control, and do the right thing, I exhaust myself and finally come to the end of myself where patience seems to be there waiting for me…to surrender to its peace and restfulness and wait and…be patient. This is the place and time to not take action and as a dear new friend of mine keeps telling me, to simply “…relax, Amalia. Just relax”. And so when I do and at last stop putting up the fight and my childish struggle, I stop. And it feels good…

To be patient with life, with others, with my past and current circumstances, and to be patient with myself.

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Reflections – A New Agreement

I found this recently on a scrap piece of paper…it’s a little scary making this personal of a side of me public in my writing, but I figured I’m a pretty open person anyways. Let’s just look at it as poetry…

Reflections – Tuesday, April 3, 2012

“A New Agreement” by Amalia Maloney

Written on the train ride from Roehampton/London to Gatwick Airport before flying to Milano to visit Italy for the first time. The day before my 30th birthday.

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Where went the beliefs I had when I was younger? I made such an impact on people as a young teen. Then I saw love and marriage not last…I felt it broken and shattered. Later I was told that true beauty does not lie on the inside. This idea was scoffed and people were pointed out and criticized for being fat, ugly, not attractive. Then I did that to others. Then it was done to me. Now I do it to myself.

What happened to you dear lover, when you were young? What was told to you, what was done to you, when you were a chubby kid? Why do you criticize others so? Why do you attack and tear down with words? What happened to you? What is happening to you?

I want to be free of your poisonous words…free from the hurt you carry that is all I have of you now. I don’t want to hurt myself any longer and I don’t want to hurt others.

I want to love…to deeply love myself, love others, and still love you.

A new agreement: No fear and all love. Acceptance and letting go. I love you, but you are not my lover, not my soul-mate, and not in my life anymore.

Following Your Heart…and Gut Instinct

Are the two the same? To follow your heart and follow your gut? Many say us women are made with a natural instinct about things more than men are. I for one believe that to be true but certainly not the rule. There are many men who have a great instinct and use it well. And all of us humans in general are very capable of having a strong gut instinct.

I used to be afraid of following my heart and yet found that I tend to have a pretty strong instinct about things. The word I tend to use for it is “sense”. I get a strong sense about things…this is teaching me a lot (and I expect will keep teaching me all my life) about the level of confidence I have in myself, and the ability and willingness to listen to and hear myself. My thought so far in my thirty years of life, is that “following your heart” and listening to your “gut instinct” are one and the same.

So here’s where I like to push the envelope and challenge the typical…maybe you’ve heard like I have many times that when the option to “follow your heart” comes up and is referred to, there seems to have to be a choice to make between that and listening to your head. Well, what if we’re supposed to use both? Why see these most vital parts within ourselves as fighting against each other? From an absolutely medical and physical stand point, the head tells the heart to pump….but then for that matter, the heart pumping blood and even how efficiently it does this, completely affects the brain. The two obviously need each other.

And I know…the two are differentiated and one encouraged to be followed more than the other because of, what else…we all at some point people experience hurt. Or disappointment or unhealthy tendencies…and, rightly so, we don’t want to experience things like this again. With that also comes the ability to act out of fear of being hurt or disappointed again. And is living out of fear the way to really go? I don’t think so.

Well, for what its worth, I feel that I can say that of course we should work hard at making smart decisions for ourselves, while at the same time, maybe we just need to have our heart and our head on the same page and allow them to work together more. Is that a revolutionary idea or what? Think of how it would challenge us in our thinking and approach to life…Because life seems to be full of experiences that can hurt and disappoint regardless of whether we chose with our head or our heart and if anything, maybe we look back and see that we made decisions and only lived by one instead of both. I’m going to give it a try and live by both.