Reflections – A New Agreement

I found this recently on a scrap piece of paper…it’s a little scary making this personal of a side of me public in my writing, but I figured I’m a pretty open person anyways. Let’s just look at it as poetry…

Reflections – Tuesday, April 3, 2012

“A New Agreement” by Amalia Maloney

Written on the train ride from Roehampton/London to Gatwick Airport before flying to Milano to visit Italy for the first time. The day before my 30th birthday.

                                                                                                                                                 ……………………………………………

Where went the beliefs I had when I was younger? I made such an impact on people as a young teen. Then I saw love and marriage not last…I felt it broken and shattered. Later I was told that true beauty does not lie on the inside. This idea was scoffed and people were pointed out and criticized for being fat, ugly, not attractive. Then I did that to others. Then it was done to me. Now I do it to myself.

What happened to you dear lover, when you were young? What was told to you, what was done to you, when you were a chubby kid? Why do you criticize others so? Why do you attack and tear down with words? What happened to you? What is happening to you?

I want to be free of your poisonous words…free from the hurt you carry that is all I have of you now. I don’t want to hurt myself any longer and I don’t want to hurt others.

I want to love…to deeply love myself, love others, and still love you.

A new agreement: No fear and all love. Acceptance and letting go. I love you, but you are not my lover, not my soul-mate, and not in my life anymore.

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One response to “Reflections – A New Agreement

  1. Wow! this words are well said and a true reminder of the importance of self acceptance and that when you “claim” who you were, this might be where you find the “inner” strength to “let it go”, then you can fly to the place where you needed to be all along: be yourself, love yourself, because only then…will you love others and that is where you will find “true” love.

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