Being Naked with Red Wine

 

I sit here, naked in my apartment in Oviedo, Spain…

Buzzed from local red wine, and disgusted from looking at Facebook for too long.

What is up with our society? Why is it that, we stay disconnected with all the technology we have?

I take another sip of red wine…earlier, the setting sun coming through the windows danced off that red wine…it cast rose-colored shadows on the table…

There are only a few things I’m aware of now and they seem most important…

My first love is gone forever. I don’t know how and I don’t know to whom, but he’s simply gone and I must accept that.

And many things are in motion that I can’t see…things that are building towards my future and that I have an idea about, but am afraid to be confident about.

I’m confused by this online society….I work in it, take part in it, and in that way, support it…

But what good is it really doing us in the long-run? What good is it doing me?

So here I sit, naked in my living room in Oviedo, Spain…drinking red wine and wondering, pondering…

Who are really my friends? What is my life all about? What is yet to come that I already know, but hesitate to admit?

Maybe this is what comes from being naked with red wine….

 

Conflict and Peace

I feel conflicted.

Not quite there and not quite here…

Discomfort and lost-ness is most apparent.

Like I’m gliding through the air and about to fall out of the sky.

I can accept that there will always be things unknown…

There are simply certain things I want to get right…

A kind of life I would like to have and a person I want to be.

These conflicts, this unease…it may be uncomfortable,

Yet necessary and worth it in my effort to live deeply.

Questions can be scary and they involve a risk…

Once that door is opened, our wanderings are set loose.

Deeper and deeper I could sink into this,

Then something simple comes to my mind…

Relax, Amalia…relax. And enjoy this ride of life.

Because despite my thoughts, all things still exist…

And I can be busy living my life,

Alongside these questions and conflicts.

With their existence it also means,

That peace exists for me to feel.

A Love Letter

A letter to you God is what I should write,

A letter of love and gratitude.

I prayed to run into your open arms,

Yet almost missed you right there in front of me.

In white stone, like a small relic piece,

Mounted on a hilltop against the backdrop of the sky.

I view you from this home, in the corner of my window,

From where I sit and cry out to you,

And sometimes from where I walk along the city streets.

Whether I acknowledge you or not,

You are there watching over us, your heart emotional like mine,

Frail and human, loving and bleeding…

For I live now below the Sacred Heart of Christ,

The statue of Jesus with arms outstretched,

Beckoning me to look up from myself and my problems,

To run into divine sacred love…

And all I had asked for was to run into your open arms.

How precious of an answer, what a tender way to remind,

That you are in the unseen and in the flesh,

Even in a symbol when my heart is in need of something to see.

What We Tell

Don’t tell me this is how it is.

Why must it be as you say it should be?

Don’t tell me, life must go like this.

What do you know of my life and how it should go?

Don’t tell me, this is happiness and success.

Maybe I don’t want your idea of happiness and success.

Don’t tell me I cannot imagine and to be responsible.

To have imagination is the first responsibility I have.

Don’t tell me to be like you and that you have the answers.

I see your life and I do not want it.

Tell me your own story and ask me about my own.

I like stories and I like to share of myself.

Tell me of the impossible in your life and your imagination.

I have dreams and hopes as well and this we have in common.

Tell me of love and how love is in your life.

I can tell you of love as well and in that way we can show love to each other.

Tell me of your happiness without imposing it on me.

I will tell of my own happiness if I have chosen happiness for me.

Tell me of who you are and how you live your life.

I will tell you who I am and we will revel in our differences.

Tell me of what you desire and have yet to learn.

I will tell you my questions and thoughts and we will marvel at our similarities.

True Reality

I hear, “open my eyes to reality”…

My idea of reality is shaken.

For my eyes are closed and I feel the wind, cool and soft, coming and going…

It is not seen, only felt. The air is invisible, yet all around me.

What if reality is far different from what we think?

Rather than the impossible being unimaginable and fiction, what if it is reality?

The unseen, the invisible…possible, imaginable…

These are reality…reality of what we feel but do not see…

What we imagine, what we hope, what we dream before we really know.

What reality is true? What eyes must be open to see reality?

We must endure contradictions to society to truly see reality,

To find where reality is born and resides…

In the impossible, the unknown, the hidden, and the unseen.

This is the home of hope, dreams, inspiration, and faith.

Maybe my eyes should be closed and my heart opened…

The true reality…I feel the wind with eyes opened and closed,

Yet when do I recognize and know the wind most?

The Love of Movement

I love things that move…

The flow of my fingers along the keys while typing words,

My feet stepping and guiding my body to turn and dance,

Notes ascending and descending from my voice in melodic song…

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The Sound of Our Hearts

Is there such a thing as complete silence?

What about the sound of the thoughts in our heads?

When the outside world is rushing by its easy to not hear…

Our inner voice, the voice of God, may be drowned out if we’re not still.

A simple request, an intentional pause, to stop and open our hearts…

Can maybe show us through what we see, what we need to hear inside.

If we practice listening in the everyday, amidst the noise of our home and world,

Then we won’t be startled – hello, that’s our heart – in the silent moments too.

At first, we may not recognize the sound of our own thoughts.

And it may be that we hear a war between our heart and our thoughts.

Only we can align them together, what we feel and what we know.

Or we may come face to face with not knowing what we truly feel and what we truly know.

We must question ourselves and answer our questions. God gave us this rationale.

So we can know the sound of our hearts and recognize it in the world.

Hello dear heart…there you are…and my thoughts, they welcome you too.

Now there’s a level to life I was missing before, but now I have become aware,

Of the voice of my heart, the voice of God, amidst the sounds of this world I am in.