Wrestling with God

 

I find myself uncomfortable and I know I’m not at ease.

I recognize I’m fighting something, my stubbornness is apparent to me.

My efforts, my work, all the things I run around and do,

Don’t seem to accomplish much; there’s still always so much more to do.

Frustration has set in and I neglect to just be at peace,

Because I know what I truly want, yet I do things that don’t achieve them.

I’ve been trying to “be still”, to withdraw from busyness.

And I find that it is in my blood and nature and is hard to come off of.

I’m attracted to being busy, to doing it all on my own.

I’m fighting with myself and wrestling with God,

Like a cranky child only seeing that my blocks have fallen and I spilled my milk.

No…there is a reason for being still, there is a danger in staying busy…

I resign and simply surrender to God, realizing in my fits,

That wrestling with him is welcomed and he’ll participate,

But boy, it’s exhausting only for me and when I end up being still from tiredness anyways,

I see that either way God is at work for me and God always is.