The Feeling to Cry

What is this heaviness I feel inside?

It wells up in me, lying just behind my eyes

From my heart it seems to stem

With pulses, its energy seems to overwhelm

My body feels tender, my feelings even more

Washing over me like waves that leave me sore

It seems to want an outlet, a way to break free

My aliveness thrashes as if drowning in a sea

So I stop and surrender, allowing the release

Drops of tears seep out, salty with healing increase

In streams their flow caresses, down my face into every crease

This cry I am feeling does not drown me…

I am floating in this deep place of peace.

Making Myself at Home

I’m quoting here something that I just read this morning that wonderfully describes how I feel at home traveling and having a different sense of home than what I think our societies are sometimes more familiar with…what causes you to feel most at home?

Sometimes, we get so busy and involved creating a “home” for ourselves that we create a structure that’s too safe, limiting, and confined. We forget about our real home, the planet earth. It’s good to sleep indoors. It’s nice to make ourselves comfortable in our home. But don’t let your cozy nest become a locked, confining box.

Stretch your arms. Push the lid off the box. Get out into the world. Walk around. Move about. See the hills, the lakes, the forests, the mountain peaks, the valleys, the rivers.

See how big your world can be. See how connected everything is. See how connected you are, too – to all that is. Make yourself comfortable, wherever you are. Make yourself a home and be at home in the world.

Melody Beattie, “The Language of Letting Go“, devotional daily reading for July 30th


Spring Cleaning – For the Heart and the Home

Are you one of those people who carries out the ritual of Spring cleaning? It just came to my mind this morning as I sit getting work done in the dinning room…bright sunlight is pouring in through the large classic windows of this Victorian home and the trees just outside are popping with bright green buds of leaves being reborn. With their dainty size and scattered hanging throughout the bare branches, they almost look like decorations of bulbs strung up like a garland. But getting back to Spring cleaning…what really brought that seasonal tradition to mind is the pounding of hammers. It turns out that a nearby neighbor’s house is getting their roof redone. Now, I realize, this is far more than Spring cleaning, yet I found myself realizing, I can get annoyed at the insistent loud sound or, I can be creative and tap into the positive fact that it represents productivity, industrious-ness, and improvement! I like those concepts and I work hard to have them in my life, starting with my own thoughts and responses. Too positive for you? Well, that’s okay. To each their own and it still leaves the opportunity for us both to contemplate the act of Spring cleaning.

You see, I don’t own a house and at this time in my life, I don’t even have furniture and I’m selling my car! Yeah…living lite is contagious and I seem to keep simplifying. Yet, I have had homes before and I remember enjoying the practice of Spring cleaning. What is most remarkable for me though is the realization that Spring cleaning can be great to do for the heart.

That’s right…why Spring cleaning for the heart? Well, with all the busyness we can tend to have in our lives and world, why not be intentional about taking time to look at what’s in our hearts? I found it empowering to know myself because this helps me know what I want and what I do not want. Perhaps there is a job, relationship, or certain material items that are only collecting dust and actually taking up space in your heart. Considering what is there, within you, and see what things you want to thank for its experience with you and all it meant for you, and then send it on its way. This makes more room our hearts and minds for all the wonderful things we truly want and desire next in our lives.

So whether or not you enjoy Spring cleaning of your home this season, consider doing your heart and self some good by conducting some Spring cleaning of your heart. It will always look different for each of us and only you will know what you see in yourself and what you want to keep and part with. No matter what, remember that you are worthy and deserving of the best. Sometimes, that may look like letting go of some things to make room in your heart and self for more desires and fulfillment to come. Enjoy the journey!

My Head Versus My Heart – Contemplating Emotions

In the past months I have received advice to “get out of your head, Amalia, and live more from your heart”. After checking this against my own values and who I know myself to be, I agreed with the advice. Even the first sounds of it resonated with me because experiences in my life have been teaching me that it’s important to not forget my heart. In my teen years, I went the route of trusting my head (I will also refer to it here as the mind) and was very leery of my heart. To get to the point quicker, I didn’t trust my heart and thought that was the best route to go…to not trust myself, to not trust my heart, and to deny myself. Also twisted into this was the association of my emotions with my heart, thus my poor heart and emotions were labeled as a problem child, a sure way of getting hurt and failing in life. The result? I deprived and shut out my heart and fought against my emotions, rather than allowing them to work for me.

There is nothing like the romantic, love relationship of our life to help us see things about our self that are not fun or pretty to see, yet is so needed and so good for us. I recently got engaged and after a couple recent disagreements with my loving fiance (okay, we can call them what they were…full on fights), I am even more in love with him and my self than before. How I came out on the other side secure in that love, was by seeing what I can learn and change for my self. One of the powerful lessons I learned that I am writing about here, is about better understanding my emotions by getting to know them: what they look like, where they live in me, what they are telling me about myself, and how I can enjoy them in a way that serves me and others best.

I don’t know about you, but for most of my life so far I have pictured my emotions as living in my heart. After all, most of our world and my American society, relate the heart with love and we see love as an emotion. With that in mind, we also know anger, fear, hurt, joy, peace, and many other feelings as an emotion. When I looked up the definition of emotion, I felt I had to be a psychologist or scientist to understand the blend of words being words. It was a bit overwhelming and didn’t seem practical for my use. Heck, I even went so far as to start writing about the definition right here and now in this post. Then I erased it all because I realized, I’m not here to get technical about this; I’m here to write about this from the heart; from my heart.

Plain and simple, I know it’s important to listen to both my head and my heart. Balance is important to maintain in this. My emotions are wonderful aspects of me and it helps me to picture their home as my head, my mind. This doesn’t mean that they are not found in my heart as well. I picture it sort of like emotions visiting my heart from my mind. They’re a powerful link between all the different aspects of my physical and spiritual self, revealing themselves in feelings and interacting with thoughts.

So what does this all mean about getting out of my head so much and living from my heart more? For me, it’s in understanding my emotions and using my imagination to picture where they live and come from. This helps me to have the right picture and understanding of my heart and my mind as well. Rather than going to an extreme of choosing the mind or the heart, I hold the power to tell my mind or heart and emotions thank you in all circumstances. In cases like this, appreciation is key when it is followed through with direction. Some situations may look like this: I can thank my mind for it’s hard work in looking after me, but at this time, it can relax and allow my heart to lead.

Practices like this bring to light that what is in our minds and hearts is also important to be conscious of. Is there love in my heart? Love for myself and therefore love for others? Is there trust there in my heart? Is it fear that I am feeling and should I take make my choices and act out of that emotion? And remember, there is a difference between reacting from our emotions and expressing them with self-ownership.

I’m finding it very helpful for myself when I remember that emotions are to be appreciated, even thanked by me. Perhaps this is part of the process of choosing what role my emotions play in my actions. Whether they’re pleasant, positive emotions like love and peace, or if they’re hard, ugly emotions, like anger and fear, I can listen to them and give them their due time to be, before I then let it go and move on. Most importantly, I think that my emotions will always tell me the most about my self and another person’s emotions will tell them the most about their self. Emotions all hold the same power…the power that we give them.