I found this recently on a scrap piece of paper…it’s a little scary making this personal of a side of me public in my writing, but I figured I’m a pretty open person anyways. Let’s just look at it as poetry…
Reflections – Tuesday, April 3, 2012
“A New Agreement” by Amalia Maloney
Written on the train ride from Roehampton/London to Gatwick Airport before flying to Milano to visit Italy for the first time. The day before my 30th birthday.
Where went the beliefs I had when I was younger? I made such an impact on people as a young teen. Then I saw love and marriage not last…I felt it broken and shattered. Later I was told that true beauty does not lie on the inside. This idea was scoffed and people were pointed out and criticized for being fat, ugly, not attractive. Then I did that to others. Then it was done to me. Now I do it to myself.
What happened to you dear lover, when you were young? What was told to you, what was done to you, when you were a chubby kid? Why do you criticize others so? Why do you attack and tear down with words? What happened to you? What is happening to you?
I want to be free of your poisonous words…free from the hurt you carry that is all I have of you now. I don’t want to hurt myself any longer and I don’t want to hurt others.
I want to love…to deeply love myself, love others, and still love you.
A new agreement: No fear and all love. Acceptance and letting go. I love you, but you are not my lover, not my soul-mate, and not in my life anymore.