You can be around people and not even realize how much power they hold…all the stories of their lives, the love and tragedies, the overcoming and enjoying. I got to spend an amazing weekend and more with three amazing women. Now that we are all off to our own parts of the world, I am realizing the amazing legacy I am a part of because of them and what a gift I have in each of them. This female counter-part to the three musketeers are my mother, Angelines Del Riego, and her two best friends from high school, Alma Olalla (known as Marisol), and Ivelisse de la Cruz. All three are Dominican women, born and raised in the mountains of the Dominican Republic. Today, they each live in different parts of the world, yet…I recently enjoyed their company and even now, weeks later, am still feeling their powerfully, loving presence. Continue reading
Let me be very clear…
Clear about being
Amalia Rebecca Maloney Del Riego…
All those names are me
I am a
writer, singer, traveler, consultant human-being
A female, human-being, actually
I like to love and to express myself by doing things I love
Sometimes I write, other times I sing
In magical unseen ways, always traveling and praying
I also love being loved
Things I do are for the pure experiencing
Not just an end-result that may be produced
I like to think that we are human-beings
Being what we love
Recently I was enjoying myself at the Denver Botanic Gardens. The bench I was sitting on was in the rose garden area and across from me was a beautiful, tall wooden trellis. Below the trellis was a large rose-bush bursting with white and pink roses in full bloom. Every now and then, their fragrance was carried on the wind to caress my face and delight my nose. The trellis and the rose-bush were anchored separately, only to morph together, the rose-bush growing elegantly up the symmetrical beams of the trellis that rose handsomely with purposeful design. It was a gift to sit there and take in such beauty with a variety of my senses.
This gift from nature led to another gift…a little lesson that came to me in the form of an analogy. I thought to myself that in life, some people are like a trellis. They are built to be strong and tall in their outwardly appearance and structure, with steady attributes in the eyes of many. What they are made of is solid and anchored into the ground for a secure position grounded with purpose. And what is that purpose? To uphold and to encourage growth. Are you following me so far?
Some people in the world are like a rose-bush…in the eyes of the world, they grow with sporadic design and beauty, providing talents and gifts of the arts. Their roots seem to go deep in a more natural manner, while the budding of their roses is unpredictable and intense. For many, they are a delight to the senses in a variety of ways.
Both the trellis and the rose bush can do without each other, yes. It is for this reason that they are each enhanced, complimented and beautified immensely when they come together. Think of when you last saw an anchored strong, towering trellis with the liveliness of green-leafed tendrils dotted with bursts of silky, fragrant roses, embracing each other…
Intertwined, they give of each other to each other, wonderfully by being who they are. The result is something even more incredible and beautiful than what they are on their own. Each hold infinite value and importance on their own, yes…yet combined, they only grow and expand with the exchange of steadfast, uplifting support and colorful adoration of roses clinging. They accept each other with an intimacy that causes each to be vulnerable to the other.
Now of course, the question is…which are you? A rose-bush or a trellis? Perhaps this will enter your mind the next time you are in the magical company of a rose bush and a trellis.
Do you see me in there?
See all of me and still love me, love me still…
The hurt and fear, what I really am
Do you really see me?
Can you love me still?
A shame so long hidden
Even with it inside me
Do you see me, really see me?
To venture deep into my soul…
Can you love me still? Still love me?
The hurt beats or is that my heart?
The pain and guilt of what was done
Even though nothing was my fault…
Just a child, so young, so wrongly hurt
Do you see the little boy?
In this man’s body now…
In hurt and hidden in pain?
So few ever see…
I thought no one could know
But somehow you see me, don’t you?
Please see me and still…still love me…
Still love all of me.
Can you handle the ugliness?
Can you survive the deep anguish?
To see me, all of me,
Fight and pursue past my defenses…
Still love me, love me still.
If you knew, if I could free it…
If you could draw it out for me
And you see me
You see and still love me
Still I don’t love me, love me still…
And there the hurt lives
There the boy and man suffer
Just under my face only you see him
You know…don’t you?
You see all of me…
And you still love me, you love me still
I am the little boy, locked away in me
Who is suffering and hiding…
Dark hurt, suffering shame still…
I don’t want to be alone with me
I see him, I see all of me…
Am I loving me…loving me still?
I found this recently on a scrap piece of paper…it’s a little scary making this personal of a side of me public in my writing, but I figured I’m a pretty open person anyways. Let’s just look at it as poetry…
Reflections – Tuesday, April 3, 2012
“A New Agreement” by Amalia Maloney
Written on the train ride from Roehampton/London to Gatwick Airport before flying to Milano to visit Italy for the first time. The day before my 30th birthday.
Where went the beliefs I had when I was younger? I made such an impact on people as a young teen. Then I saw love and marriage not last…I felt it broken and shattered. Later I was told that true beauty does not lie on the inside. This idea was scoffed and people were pointed out and criticized for being fat, ugly, not attractive. Then I did that to others. Then it was done to me. Now I do it to myself.
What happened to you dear lover, when you were young? What was told to you, what was done to you, when you were a chubby kid? Why do you criticize others so? Why do you attack and tear down with words? What happened to you? What is happening to you?
I want to be free of your poisonous words…free from the hurt you carry that is all I have of you now. I don’t want to hurt myself any longer and I don’t want to hurt others.
I want to love…to deeply love myself, love others, and still love you.
A new agreement: No fear and all love. Acceptance and letting go. I love you, but you are not my lover, not my soul-mate, and not in my life anymore.